I love ur tweets, but shouldn't u be barking instead?

It is rare that I base a blog on a single question. But the outpouring of response to my blog “Finding friends in a world of fans” got me thinking more deeply about the subject and I am sincerely curious about your response to the question at the end of this blog.

Bill Gothard, isolated four “Levels of Friendship”. 1. acquaintance, 2. casual friend, 3. close friend, and 4 intimate friend.

Here is how he loosely defined each level.

An acquaintance is a person with whom you have only occasional contact, sometimes it is only a single contact, such as someone you meet while traveling or who comes to your house to fix the plumbing or washing machine.

A casual friendship is based on common interests or activities. A casual friend may be a person at work or someone you know at a club, at church, or on a sports team.

A close friendship is based on mutual life goals and long-term interests. You and your friend are beginning to see potential achievement in each other’s life. In a close friendship you will discuss specific goals and will assume a personal responsibility for the development of such goals. These friends can make suggestions about important aspects of your life.

An intimate friendship is by its nature quite intense.  An intimate friendship is based on open honesty, discretion, and a commitment to the development of each other’s character and spiritual potential.
You will help your friend through trials and sorrows. You will assume personal responsibility for his/her reputation. You are sensitive to traits and attitudes which need improvement in both of you.  Intimate friends are committed to faithfulness, loyalty, and availability.

Here is my question:  Do our “cyber-friends”, the social network “friends” we have never met, fit in any of these categories? Are they part of another category all together? Are they really friends?

Okay so that is a couple of questions.  I love the interaction with my “friends” on the internet but I am fascinated with the influence social networking may have on our definition of friendship. 

I value your input as I develop a more informed opinion on this subject and I look forward to your comments and opinions.

Everything is so far away!

Are your dreams far away and undefined or within reach and rich with detail? I just spent a week with my youngest grandson, Tyler.  He is one of the most positive little people I have ever met.  His answer to almost everything is an enthusiastic “OKAY!”

“Want to climb a mountain?”

“OKAY!”

“Want to ride the four wheeler?”

“OKAY?”

There are some exceptions! I asked him if he wanted to get a flu shot and couldn’t find him for an hour.

One morning I caught him stumbling across our deck looking through a pair of binoculars.  He seemed very frustrated, confused and he had a hard time keeping his balance.  He was looking through the binoculars backward. Even his feet looked like they were miles away.  I wish I had captured the look on his face when I turned the binoculars around and he saw things close up, detailed, and reachable.  You couldn’t pry them out of his hands.  He even watched TV with them.  Everything seemed within reach.

Made me think.  As you set goals or face challenges, does it all seem far away and impossible! Do you find yourself saying things like……..

I can never do it,

It”s going to take too long,

I can hardly see myself accomplishing this?

Do you find yourself off balance,

stumbling and afraid to take steps?

Do you struggle to see the details that will help you overcome obstacles and propel you toward your goal?

Turn the binoculars around!!!!!!

Hellooooooo!

Don’t be afraid to study the detail of what lies between you and your goal.  Take a long CLOSE look at what you are working toward.

With your eyes glued to that goal, develop a strategy to overcome any obstacles. Replace distant negative thinking with aggressive close up  strategy. Eventually you will have to put the binoculars down because you have reached your goal. You can reach out and touch it!

Which end of the binoculars are you looking through?

Scott, Bailey, Preston, Taryn

Today as I read the comments on my last blog, “How to find friends in a world of fans,“ I came across this very special comment from my son in law Scott Fowler.  Scott once sang with “The Cathedrals” and now travels with his own very popular Southern Gospel group, “Legacy Five.”  Scott has more fans than a Tennessee deer has ticks. His comment is a tribute to the character of my daughter, Taryn and the quality of their love. I hope you enjoy the comment and the story.

Dear Father-in-law,

Wow!  What a GREAT post! I was “RE-reminded” of THE VERY thing that most attracted me to your daughter, my wife, Taryn. I’d like to share it with your readers.

Taryn and I met on a Charles Stanley cruise to Alaska.  Ken was on board as a guest speaker and I was on board with the Cathedrals…the guest singers. Taryn and I hit it off and hung out all week long. After the cruise we talked every night, long distance on the phone.  After about a week on the phone (not non-stop) she “popped the question.”  The question was, “hey Scott, what’s the name of that group again that you sing with?”

I LOVED it!  I knew I had found THE ONE.

See, all other past relationships seemed to be centered around their attraction to me for “what I did, not who I was.”  They were enamored by the fact that I was a member of the most popular and successful southern gospel group of all time. They had been FANS…not FRIENDS. For the first time ever, I had found someone whom I didn’t have to question the motive for why she was interested in me.

Singing is what I do…it isn’t who I am.

I hope your post encourages all who read it to get to know people for who they are.  Here’s to friends!

Thank you Scott for this tribute to Taryn and for being an exceptional friend to me.  Will you help carry the box???

Do you have friends or fans?

No matter what your occupation, this is a question that has a huge impact on your quality of life.  In order to answer that question you need to know difference between a fan and a friend.  Here are some hints.

Fans see you as networking potential ————— Friends see your potential
Fans love you for your performance ————-  A friend loves you for you.
Fans are fickle ————— Friends are forever.
Fans want  to see only your good side  ————–  A friend will protect your backside.
Fans demand that you entertain them —————– Friends just want your company.

Several years ago I came to the sad realization that I had almost no friends. I had thousands of fans, I had a successful career,  I had lots of stuff, but I had no real friends. I was a nomad.  I didn’t herd goats and pitch tents in the desert, but I walked through a desert of countless audiences, herding a dog and a pony and I never pitched my tent anywhere.  I had people all around me and I was still alone.  I remember telling my wife, Diane, that I was afraid when I died she wouldn’t be able to find six people who were willing to carry the box I was buried in.  
I had nightmares of her pulling the casket down the church steps alone;  thump, thump, thump, then dragging it to where “the big black SUV” waited.

I have good news!  I now have friends!

A few good friends!

So how did I  find friends in a desert of fans?   I assessed what would be required to develop  friendships and I purposefully changed my lifestyle to make it happen. 

 Here’s what I came up with.

Making friends requires an investment of time.
Time sharing meals
Time helping with projects
Time sitting by a hospital bed
Time laughing until the early hours of morning
Time talking until you fall asleep

Making friends requires taking risks
Trust someone with who you really are
Reveal your heart
Be accountable
Hold someone accountable
Debate issues you feel strongly about

Making friends requires that you practice grace
Grace to forgive
Grace to overlook imperfection
Grace to realize you will never find a perfect friend and you will never be a perfect friend.

The best way to gain solid friends is to be a solid friend.

A team of friends

I don’t have hundreds of close friends, but I have made sure I have at least six that are capable of lifting a box!

Sooo…… do you have friends or fans?  How did you get them?  

I look forward to your comments.

Today I opened another e-mail like thousands I have received in the past from someone whose dream it is to establish a career as a speaker/comedian. Most of them ask the same basic question, “How do I get started?”

The dreamers are varied. Many are aspiring comedians or speakers, some are writers or musicians, and some are entrepreneurs. Others are athletes or people who have a unique life experience to share. By e-mailing me, all of them have taken the first step to achieving their dreams. They have asked the question, “how?” The world is full of dreamers, but few who are willing to identify and take action on the steps to make their dreams a reality. Check out these steps to making your dream a reality.

Four Steps to Making ANY Dream a Reality

1. Identify the dream.
   • It is essential to clarify your dream. If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time. A precise target allows you to take precise aim.
   • Precisely defining your dream will give you the confidence to pursue it with commitment.
2. Develop a strategy that will make your dream come true.
   • Identify what personal resources you can use to define your program, presentation or product you wish to create.
   • Design your “product/presentation”, name it, and be able to describe it in a single sentence.
   • Identify your market and create a presentation with a unique appeal to that market.
3. Work the strategy until you achieve the dream.
   • This is the most critical part of the equation. No one can do this for you. The best strategy in the universe is useless unless you work it.
   • As you proceed, you may need to tweak the strategy but you have to WORK IT!
   • It is at this step that most dreamers fail. Working the strategy is not glamorous and sometimes it is not fun, but it is critical to success.
4. Take advantage of men and women who have already realized their dreams.

If you dream of making your living speaking, making people laugh, or providing critical information through seminars, there is one additional step that will help propel you toward making that dream come true. I put on an annual summit along with several successful friends of mine to help teach others to realize this dream. If you’re interested, please check out the information below.

Attend The Summit

October 18-20, 2010 in Nashville, Tennessee

“The Summit” is designed to provide detailed assistance in taking each of the steps above. I have invited several very successful friends to share their stories and strategies with you. The option of attending the “Masters” portion of “The Summit” will even give you the opportunity to get personal attention from me and others in reviewing your promotional materials and designing your specific strategy for success.

Check out our temporary “Summit” web site while we get a brand new site ready to feature this year’s conference.

Call or email today with any questions you have about “The Summit.” Joy Groblebe, our event coordinator, is looking forward to speaking with you. She can be reached at 303-325-6964 or joy@kendavis.com.

Don’t just dream of being at the summit, join us at “The Summit.”