Six Little Facts to Help you Bite your Tongue and keep you from Biting the Dust

Ken — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:00:00 +0000

Long ago, in a galaxy far far away, I was about to step to the platform to address an energetic audience. I was talking with a friend about the content of my presentation when the event coordinator interrupted our conversation. He dismissed my friend with a demeaning comment and asked, “Are you going to wear “THAT” outfit to the platform? His eyebrows were raised in obvious disgusted annoyance. I was wearing new jeans, a shirt and a sport coat. It was the jeans that incurred his wrath.

His condescending tone flipped a switch deep inside my soul. My response was instantaneous, clever, profoundly logical, and……… totally inappropriate, but my lips were already moving and I spit the words out with vengeance.

“Do you want me to not give my presentation?”

“No!”

“Would you like my assistant try to buy some slacks in the next, I paused to take a quick glance at my watch, 13 minutes?”

“No.”

“Perhaps you would like me to try to get one of your guests or your boss to lend me their slacks for my presentation?”

NO!!!!

“Then what possible benefit could come from you confronting me so close to my talk, AND what possible negative consequences could possibly come from me making my presentation dressed the way I am?”

My question was met with silence, an angry glare, and hasty departure. I might become a lawyer some day!

Listen carefully friends. My misjudgment concerning the proper dress was careless but forgivable. In Tennessee business professional means “for sure wear a coat and a shirt” and in some places it means “wear at least a loin cloth.” But no matter how clever and biting my cross examination was, I was wrong!

My REACTION seemed spontaneous with no time to choose a better response. I later apologized and I asked God for the grace to help me find a Nano Second between the flip of that switch in my soul and my verbal REACTION so that I could at least make a decision to do the right thing.

So what did I learn???

I DO have time to make an appropriate decision and respond with grace. Unkind and demeaning treatment can throw a switch directly connected to our FEELINGS but that switch is not directly connected to our REACTIONS.

FEELINGS are unavoidable. It is okay to suddenly be overcome with feelings of anger, resentment, helplessness, etc.

RESPONSE is a choice.

Even in the midst of all the feelings that washed over me I could have said, “I am so sorry that I misunderstood the requirements. Please forgive me. What can I do to help at this late stage?”

Remember this little progression of truth.

Feelings can be triggered without warning.

Feelings are immediate.

Feelings are okay.

Feelings precede words. Use that time to take a deep breath and choose your words kindly and carefully.

Am I the only one who has to hold his tongue when the heat is on?
Have you been put in a humiliating situation where you felt you lashed out spontaneously?
What secrets do you use to keep your words kind when your soul is wounded?

I would love to hear your comments.

If you have to eat a frog….

Ken — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:52:33 +0000

Okay, be forewarned! This is not for the delicate or faint of heart. Yesterday, I ran 8 miles. That’s farther than I have ever run before. The sun was shining for the first time in over a week. And it was warm! A few days before I had biked 20 miles in 30 degree weather and almost froze to death. My left ear broke off when I removed my helmet. But today temperatures were in the high fifties. Two deer stood at no more than 10 yards and watched with big eyes and long lashes. I could almost hear them whispering, “That guy only has one ear.”

The only drawback was my big toe. It was hurting and I knew why. As I was putting on my running shoes I had realized I should clip my toenails. I remember thinking that the nail on my big toe could have been registered as a lethal weapon. But clipping would waste time. I’d have to find the heavy duty clippers, clear the room of innocent bystanders, pick up the lamps knocked over by flying toenails. So I just put on my shoes and ran. I started feeling a dull pain at mile five, but I pushed on. When I got home, I took off my sock and……. well, I’m not going to describe it to you. I will tell you that my granddaughters ran from the house screaming, “eeeeeeeeewww” and I haven’t seen them since. I am going to lose this toenail AND I won’t be running for awhile.

How dumb was this. When will I learn that when we ignore the little things in life, they turn into big things. A neglected hurting toe eventually affects the entire body. It’s true of every area of our life. Too often we neglect to take care of some little issue until it cripples us.

As Barney Fife used to say, “Nip it in the bud.”

Some one else said, “If you have to eat a frog eat it quick because the longer you wait the bigger it gets.”

As for me I had a personal pedicure. That means I clipped em myself, then I put on a pair of running shoes and went looking for my granddaughters.

Ken Davis » conflict

Six Little Facts to Help you Bite your Tongue and keep you from Biting the Dust

If you have to eat a frog….