Seven Secrets to Sleeping like a Baby

Daughter Taryn and Me - 1978

There is a reason I have bigger bags under my eyes than are allowed on Delta Airlines. I have a problem with sleep.  I don’t have a problem sleeping.  I have a problem getting to sleep and staying asleep.

I have tried everything. Someone said drink a warm glass of milk before you go to bed.  I couldn’t find a warm glass of milk and by the time I heated one up, I wasn’t tired any more.

I tried a memory foam mattress. While I lay there reviewing the sins in my life, the mattress memorized the shape of my body.  I didn’t sleep well but now I have my own personal fossil!

I got a sleep number bed and lay awake all night doing math.  My sleep number is 90. That’s how many seconds I actually slept.

Even when I am exhausted, when I lay down my body say’s “Oh this feels so good let’s just go to sleep.” But my mind says, “No sleep for you!  We’re gonna plan the rest of your life. And by the way, Did you lock the doors?  Did you feed the dogs?  Did you feed the kids?  Did you get a cow so you will have warm milk handy?”

There is a certain schedule to this madness.  I manage to fall asleep about the same time my bladder wakes up.

So what are the Seven Secrets to Sleeping like a Baby?

1.  Buy a pacifier….. Ambien or that huge butterfly works well!
2.  Wear a diaper….. Speaks for itself!
3.  Have someone read you a story….. This actually works by the way.  But who is going to stay up to read to an old guy?  Listen to the recording of an old sermon. I’ve seen that put people to sleep.
4.  Say your prayers….. Sometimes this will make the devil put you to sleep.
5.  Don’t drink anything strong……. We’re back at warm milk.
6.  Check for monsters before you get into bed…..  Banish them from the room by name.
7.  Leave a night light on….. A halogen search light on the yard and on the front door works well.

If you take these seven steps you will sleep like a baby…….. accosted by terrible nightmares, distressed by natures call, and up crying half the night.

Okay, now I am serious!! I am really looking for some answers here.  What REAL secrets have YOU found that have helped you get a good nights sleep.  Please comment.  I need some help.   I will read your comments, do some additional research and report back to you.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Kris Swartz

    Funny thing I put cream on my skin, close my eyes and work on staying still letting the cream soak in and find myself waking up the next morning.

  • catlady

    I am a sleep professional. Turn off all electronics by 7PM, do not eat dinner too close to going to bed. Have a routine, even when you are away keep to the routine, shower read sleep. Do not use your bedroom for anything other than sleep or you know the other use.

  • Terry

    We can give you what helped us or other like lavender oil on the throat, classical music esp the nutcracker. Most of all, it’s asking God what will help you and leaning on His Wisdom. Quieting yourself down, shutting down all the sounds and voices of the world to hear His voice. He made you and design you so why not ask HIM what will help you to sleep. Your a Hoot love ya and May the Lord quiet your mind that you can hear from him and let him quiet your flesh to sleep waking up refreshed and ready to start a new day. AMEN

  • Marly

    I have the perfect solution for you, Ken; try reading an anatomy book in bed, especially something like the structure of an eyeball. Or better yet, muscle attachments. That should do it every time.

  • Kelly

    2 things, but you should know my bladders weak, and im short on my female hormones, comes with my age, but sleep has been difficult much of my life! 1. If I can drink most of my liquids early in the day and before dinner, if I manage to stop drinking, 4 hrs before sleep time, usually midnight, I have managed to reduce my bladder urges to only 2 times a night! That means after initially sleeping.
    2. If I prop my neck on a rounded pillow or rolled up towel, or even hold the ice pack, which is the real trick, in place on my neck, it seems to relax me so totally, that most times, I cannot stay awake.

    I lied: one more: 3. If I get very involved in a long heart felt prayer & speak my heart, I usually at some point fall asleep before I can say, amen! Then of course I have to finish my prayer in the am, and beg forgiveness for going to sleep on God’s time, so not sure I would recommend number 3!

    Thanks for the laughs!
    Kelly

  • Josh

    Hi Ken,

    If you’re still struggling with this, try listening to some “white noise”. Not only does it drown out/cover up other distracting noises, it seems to “drown out” busy thoughts too, at least for me. A great resource for this is http://www.simplynoise.com. This is great for use while on the road in hotel rooms. I used it all the time when I use to travel for work. We also use it with great results when trying to calm a baby or keep the noise made by the other kids from waking an already sleeping baby.

    I wish you the best.

  • Lake Orion Mom

    Melatonin at GNC is sold in time release and instantaneous packages. I take a 3mg time release (to keep me asleep) and a 3 mg or 5 mg instantaneous (to get me to sleep — they sell instantaneous in 10mg sizes too) tablet — it’s a natural hormone released by your brain and we all release less starting around age 35….. You won’t OD and it does not hurt you. I wake up rested and refreshed. Another tidbit of advice: no tv, no cell phone, no laptop, no tablet….in short, no technology after 7:30pm….ditto for drinking. No tea, absolutely no coffee, no juice, nada, nothing, except one glass of water around 7:30….then by 9pm it’s off to bed. Sleep tight.

  • Jillian Kogej

    I basically do not think about not sleeping…or not getting enough sleep. That’s my trick to sleeping. Thinking about the problem of not being able to sleep…. encourages lack of sleep in my case. So, when I can’t sleep, I get up and thank God for the opportunity to do other things I never have the time to do, like wash dishes in the sink, commune with God/read his Word, finish my Spanish homework. Just accepting that I can’t sleep is therapeutic to my problem. So, Ken, stop thinking about it….just go with the flow. God will give you sleep when you need it (a sunday school teacher once told me this).
    God bless your ministry and your sleep life! Jill, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

  • Constance

    Sleep really is over rated! As a fellow insomniac I’ve decided to stop fighting it. I just enjoy the alone time with the Lord. The next day when I’m exhausted I rely on the joy of the Lord for my strength. That’s were you come in !

  • Miriyam

    To read psalms 91 before sleeping. One psalm a day keeps the devil away Elohim is telling me again and again. To worship is also very important and this prayer which is jewish.

    You can sing the Sh’ma anytime during your day-
    add it to the 3x per day times

    To print out see attachment
    below.

    The Shema

    Sh’ma Yisrael, Yahweh Elohenu,
    Yahweh Echod, Baruch shem K’vod malchuto, I’olam voed.

    Hear O Israel,
    Yahweh our Elohim, Yahweh is one, Blessed be his name, His Kingdom is forever,
    and forever more.

    The Amidah – “The
    Standing Prayer”
    3x per day, 9am- noon-
    3pm

    Composed around 450 BCE by the 120 Men of the Great Assembly
    including Ezra and Nehemiah at the time of the rebuilding of the Temple. It was
    to be said while standing. Three time a day at the hours of prayer: 9AM, 12PM
    & 3PM

    In the Brit Chadashah- Matthew 26:74-75
    :74 Then began he to
    curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.
    :75 And Peter remembered the word of Yeshua, which said unto him, Before the
    cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept
    bitterly.

    This means the three daily prayers – the three different times
    of the day the temple priests would yell out for prayer- they nicked named the
    priest and what he did, the cock crowing. So before the 3rd cock crowing Peter
    would deny him. (This is a Hebrew Idiom)

    1. ELOHIM OF HISTORY:

    Blessed are you, Oh YHVH our Elohim and Elohim of our
    fathers, the Elohim of Abraham, the Elohim of Isaac and the Elohim of Jacob, the
    great, mighty and revered Elohim, the Most High Elohim who bestows loving
    kindnesses, the creator of all things, who remembers the good deeds of the
    patriarchs and in love came as a redeemer to their children’s children for your
    name’s sake. Oh king, helper, savior and shield. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, the
    shield of Abraham.

    2. THE
    ELOHIM OF NATURE:

    You, Oh
    YHVH, are mighty forever, you revive the dead, you have the power to save. You
    cause the wind to blow and the rain to fall. You sustain the living with loving
    kindness, you revive the dead with great mercy, you support the falling, heal
    the sick, set free the bound and keep faith with those who sleep in the dust.
    Who is like you, Oh doer of mighty acts? Who resembles you, a king who puts to
    death and restores to life, and causes salvation to
    flourish? And you are
    certain to revive the dead. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who revives the
    dead.

    3. SANCTIFICATION OF
    ELOHIM:

    We will sanctify your
    name in this world just as it is sanctified in the highest heavens, as it is
    written by your prophet: And they call out to one another and say:

    Holy,
    holy, holy is YHVH of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory. [Isa.
    6:3]
    Those facing them praise YHVH saying: Blessed be the Presence of the
    YHVH in his place. [Ezek. 3:12] And in your Holy Words it is written, saying,
    The YHVH reigns forever, your Elohim, Oh Zion, throughout all generations.
    Hallelujah. [Ps. 146:10]

    Throughout all generations we will declare your
    greatness, and to all eternity we will proclaim your holiness. Your praise, Our
    Elohim, shall never depart from our mouth, for you are a great and holy God and
    King. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, the holy Ellohim. You are holy, and your name is
    holy, and holy beings praise you daily. (Selah. -”pause and
    think about
    that”) Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, the holy Elohim.

    4. PRAYER FOR
    UNDERSTANDING:

    You favor men with knowledge, and teach mortals
    understanding. Oh favor us with the knowledge, the under- standing and the
    insight that comes from you. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, the gracious giver of
    knowledge.

    5. FOR REPENTANCE:

    Bring us back, Our
    father, to your Instruction; draw us near, Our King, to your service; and cause
    us to return to you in perfect repentance. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who
    delights in repentance.

    6. FOR
    FORGIVENESS:

    Forgive us, Our
    Father, for we have sinned; pardon us, Our King, for we have transgressed; for
    you pardon and forgive. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who is merciful and always
    ready to forgive.

    7. FOR
    DELIVERANCE FROM AFFLICTION:

    Look upon our affliction and plead our cause, and redeem
    us speedily for your name’s sake, for you are a mighty redeemer. Blessed are
    you, Oh YHVH, the redeemer of Israel.

    8. FOR HEALING:

    Heal us, Oh YHVH, and we will be healed; save us and we
    will be saved, for you are our praise. Oh grant a perfect healing to all our
    ailments, for you, almighty King, are a faithful and merciful healer. Blessed
    are you, Oh YHVH, the healer of the sick of his people Israel.

    9.
    FOR DELIVERANCE FROM WANT:

    Bless this year for us, Oh YHVH our
    Elohim, together with all the varieties of its produce, for our welfare. Bestow
    dew and rain for a blessing upon the face of the earth. Oh satisfy us with your
    goodness, and bless our year like the best of years. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH,
    who blesses the years.

    10. FOR
    GATHERING OF EXILES:

    Sound
    the great shofar (trumpet) for our freedom, raise the ensign to gather our
    exiles, and gather us from the four corners of the earth. Blessed are you, Oh
    YHVH, who gathers the dispersed of his people Israel.

    11. FOR THE
    RIGHTEOUS REIGN OF ELOHIM:

    Restore our judges as in former times,
    and our counselors as at the beginning; and remove from us sorrow and sighing.
    Reign over us, you alone, Oh YHVH, with loving kindness and compassion, and
    clear us in judgment. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, the King who loves righteousness
    and justice.

    12. FOR THE
    RIGHTEOUS AND PROSELYTES:

    May
    your compassion be stirred, Oh YHVH our Elohim, towards the righteous, the
    pious, the elders of your people the house of Israel, the remnant of their
    scholars, towards proselytes, and towards us also. Grant a good reward to all
    who truly trust in your name. Set our lot with them forever so that we may never
    be put to shame, for we have put
    our trust in you. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH,
    the support and stay of the righteous.

    13. FOR THE REBUILDING OF
    JERUSALEM:

    Return in mercy to
    Jerusalem your city, and dwell in it as you have promised. Rebuild it soon in
    our day as an eternal structure, and quickly set up in it the throne of David.
    Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who rebuilds Jerusalem.

    14. FOR THE MESSIANIC KING:

    Speedily bring the offspring of your servant David to us,
    and let him be exalted by your saving power, for we wait all day long for your
    salvation. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who brings salvation to
    flourish.

    15. FOR THE ANSWERING OF PRAYER:

    Hear our
    voice, Oh YHVH our Elohim; spare us and have pity on us. Accept our prayer in
    mercy and with favor, for you are a ELohim who hears prayers and supplications.
    Our King, do not turn us away from your presence empty- handed, for you hear the
    prayers of your people Israel with compassion. Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, who
    hears prayer.

    16. FOR RESTORATION OF TEMPLE
    SERVICE:

    Be pleased, Oh YHVH our Elohim, with your people Israel
    and with their prayers. Restore the service to the inner sanctuary of your
    Temple, and receive in love and with favor both the fire-offerings of Israel and
    their prayers. May the worship of your people Israel always be acceptable to
    you. And let our eyes behold your return in mercy
    to Zion. Blessed are you,
    Oh YHVH, who restores his divine presence to Zion.

    17. THANKSGIVING
    FOR YHVH’S UNFAILING MERCIES:

    We give thanks to you that you are
    the YHVH our Elohim and the Elohim of our fathers forever and ever. Through
    every generation you have been the rock of our lives, the shield of our
    salvation. We will give you thanks and declare your praise for our lives that
    are committed into your hands, for our souls that are entrusted to you, for your
    miracles that are daily with us, and for your wonders and your benefits that are
    with us at all times, evening, morning and noon. Oh beneficent one, your mercies
    never fail; Oh merciful one, your loving kindnesses never cease. We have always
    put our hope in you. For all these acts may your name be blessed and exalted
    continually, Our King, forever and ever. Let every living thing give thanks to
    you and praise your name in truth, Oh YHVH, our salvation andour help. (Selah. –
    “pause and think about that”) Blessed are you, Oh YHVH, whose Name is the
    Beneficent One, and to whom it is fitting to give thanks.

    18. FOR
    PEACE:

    Grant peace, welfare, blessing, grace, loving kindness and
    mercy to us and to all Israel your people. Bless us, Our Father, one and all,
    with the light of your countenance; for by the light of your countenance you
    have given us, Oh YHVH our Elohim, a Torah of life, loving kindness and
    salvation, blessing, mercy, life and peace. May it please you to
    bless your
    people Israel at all times and in every hour with your peace. Blessed are you,
    Oh YHVH, who blesses his people Israel with peace.

    In the books of Acts
    we find Peter and John entering the Temple at the hour of “the” prayer referring
    to saying the Amidah. It is literally called the hour of “the prayer” in the
    literal translations. Here we have a man, who according the Scriptures
    was:

    Acts 4:22 For the man was above forty years old, on whom this
    miracle of healing was showed.

    Do you realize that meant Yeshua probably
    walked past him a minimum of 100 times in the temple and never healed him! This
    happened after Yeshua died at around 33 years of age and this man who was only 7
    years older than Yeshua had been lame from his birth.

    Acts 3:1.2 Now
    Peter and John wet up together into the temple at the hour of the prayer, after
    being the ninth hour. And a certain man lame from his mother’s womb was carried,
    whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, to ask
    alms of them that entered into the temple;

    Every Hebrew would love to be
    “standing” during the “standing prayer.” So here we have the Rauch/ Holy Spirit
    at the specific time of the Amidah strengthening this man’s ankles!

    Acts
    3:6-9 The Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I
    thee: In the name of Yeshua HaMashiach of Nazareth rise up and walk. And he took
    him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle
    bones received strength. And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with
    them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising YHVH. And all the
    people saw him walking and praising YHVH:

    YHVH was waiting for all to be
    gathered in the Temple so at the very moment of the Amidah, while all Israel was
    praising YHVH, to heal this man. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened at
    the very moment the part of the prayer for healing was being said, that the man
    started whooping and hollering and giving YHVH the glory!! “Look at me! I’m
    standing during the Standing Prayer!! YHVH does heal!!!”

    For 40 years he
    had heard or said this prayer, always wondering if it was true!

    Do you
    know this was the very prayer they were saying right be fore the Spirit fell at
    Pentecost! It was the 3rd hour, the time of the morning prayers! Remember this
    was written hundreds of years before Messiah, so go read again the section
    called the Elohim of Nature and remember Yeshua had also just risen from the
    dead!!

    Tags: -, 3pm, 3x, 9am-, Amidah, The, The Standing Prayer, day, noon-, per