You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “A Tribute to My Dad, a POW, and a Veteran of Two very Different Wars”.
Comments
Thanks Ken. My Mom lingered Alzheimer’s disease through for many long years and I know the processes and pains you when through. Pat Robertson is, indeed, wrong and has NO clear Scripture to validate his position. Thanks for this great blog – God bless you!
Dr. Jim Doster
My heart goes out to you, Jim. My husband and I cared for my mom for years until she died from Alzheimer’s in 2009. Her last 8 days were horrific and I was deeply traumatized by the experience but I am glad that I did what was the right thing to do. It’s an awful way to lose someone and unlike someone who dies suddenly, you watch them slip away a little more each day, often for years.
Sorry! I wrote the person’s name who shared your article. Please accept my sympathies, Ken!
I. too, lost my dad to Alzheimer’s disease. After 7 years, he still recognized a couple people, but he always knew he was loved. Your story made me cry – remembering how much it meant to us for Dad to know we were still by his side and, that even though he could no longer do all the wonderful things he used to do to make us happy, to make us laugh, to help us out in some way – big or small – love remained. And he smiled when we were there. He held my hand while I held his hand. Love was still there. Unchanged, still growing – through this terrible challenge and the loss of Dad as we knew him – love was still, and always, present. Does our Savior leave us alone. No – he died so that we would know his love is never ending.
“Love one another as I have loved you.” – Jesus
To be precise, Pat said that “if” this man felt a need to have female companionship other than his mentally ill wife, then he should go get a divorce first, before dating other women.
However, that is not what Jesus says. Jesus never says it is okay to divorce your wife in order to date other women. Jesus says that divorce is sought only because of hardness of heart.
Jesus says we must repent from hardness of heart, and take up our cross to follow Him.
If we say a man’s need for physical comfort from a woman is so great that he can disobey God’s Word, then how can we ever urge teenagers to remain pure until marriage, as their hormones rage out of control?
Thank you. I do not totally agree with what Robertson said but I want to know why so many people are wanting to jump on the anti-Robertson bandwagon. The media is the one who blew this out of proportion and vilified him. My question is, is it okay for the man to go out and cheat on his sick and dying wife? I say not. Ask John Edwards how well it worked for him.
Jeff,
I never saw a single media report. I responded only to a exact transcript of the show and CBN’s response to a letter that had been written to them. In that response they said that Pat was talking about only the most extreme cases. My dad was an extreme case. I didn’t jump on any bandwagon. When I wrote my blog, I didn’t even know there was a band wagon. I appreciate you comment and hope you will read my response to all these comments tomorrow. Thank you for again for responding.
Ken
I was so upset this week when I read and heard what Pat Robertson had to say about a person with the Alzheimer’s disease. It is very upsetting to thank a person that is suppose to be a man of God would think so little of a person with a disease. We found out back in May that my Dad has Alzheimer’s disease. This is the man that has been there for his family for everything and my parents have been married for 52 years in December and to think that Pat Robertson would think it would be ok for my Mom to divorce my Dad due to the disease is just crazy. My Mom when I shared that information with her, she was very upset and said she would never leave my Dad. She agreed when I shared my thoughts about marriage vows states in sickness and in health till death do you part. God created him and know that he would have the disease way before we ever did and has never turned his back on him. It is just heart breaking due to the fact that I know that I am going to have to watch my Dad when the point comes that he doesn’t know anyone anymore but he is still my Dad and I love him no matter what the disease is.
Kan;
I thought I preached a pretty good sermon today, but nowhere near as eloquent or compelling as the piece on your Dad. My farher too died with Alzheimers and did not recognize me the last time I saw him. Broke my heart, but not the bond between us. “Blest be the tie that binds”.
Alan Schooley
Thank you Alan,
Ken
Pat is catching the Obama disease! Turning into a jackass !
If I read my Bible right it taught that the ONLY reason would be if one is unfaithful.
Yeah, and the one wanting to be unfaithful is the one who is wanting to leave his sick wife
Let us all pray for Pat Robertson, as well all of those who are living every day with Alzheimer’s and dementia….those afflicted and those who love and care for them. And, be thankful our Father will not forsake us.
Stacy,
We need to pray for everyone involved. Thank you for not forgetting to pray for Pat as well.
Ken
My question would to pat robertson would be, what ever happened to the vow in sickness in health to death do us part. I don’t care what type of sicknss your spouse has. when you get married it is your duty to love and support them no matter what. why would any man of God tell a person it is that it would be okay to leave your spouse that you have lived and spent most of your life with just because they are no longer the person you married because of a horrible diesease. I know that our God wouldn’t approve of this at all, yes it is hard to watch and see aperson you love struggle and suffer through any type of illness, but they still need to know you love them and are their for them. Just remeber that new song the booth brothers sings she still remembers Jesus name. Listen to the words. and you will know that they may not remember who you are but they still remember our lord and savior. thank you Ken for posting this maybe this might just wake up pat Robertson and smell the roses.
My mom & dad were married 65 years & my parents neither one lived long after they became ill, mom died in 2007 @ the age of 84 was only in the hospital 3 days nursing home 1 week when she passed with congestive heart failure & dad was 89 when he passed in 2009 & had a massive stroke lasted in the hospital 3 days , he also had demintia & am so grateful they did not suffer long.
Pat was not really saying it’s okay to divorce your spouse if they have Alzheimer’s. He was referring to the man who wanted to cheat on his wife because she doesn’t know him and he “needs” female companionship. Pat was telling the man that, if she means so little to you, it is better to divorce her first, then go find another woman. Do not stay married to her and play around on her.
I agree with you on this. Isn’t it amazing how the media wants to make Robertson look so bad?
Seems like Pat done a fine job, on his own. There was a time when he was guided by scripture. Something has changed.
Christ’s statement of divorce being because of “Hardened hearts” is spot on correct. If the man has no more comittment to his wife and their marriage vows, then the next woman, who gives the “companionship” that he values so highly, deserves exactly what she gets. It is amazing the heartless decisions that can be made at each end of the life span: Care being withheld from the elderly and disabled in their latter days by those who should render and the pre-born having their life taken away by the one most expected to protect them… in each case for fulfillment of their selfish desires. God offers healing and forgiveness through Christ if it will only be accepted.
Wow Ken! This brought tears to my eyes. How proud your father must be to have you as a son!
My Dad also suffered from Alzheimer’s Disease & my Mom faithfully went twice a day to feed him, unless one of them was sick. I have guestimated that in the five years he was in a nursing home she might have missed a total of one month of not going. It was my husband who reminded me that the Dad I knew was just a shell & that his mind was already with the Lord – his body just hadn’t caught up with it yet. When I was asked “how is your Dad” my reply was always “he’ll be better the day he dies.” After the initial shocked looked, I would go on to explain that “his mind & body would be whole again with the Lord.” Of course, we still miss him everyday, but’s it’s easier to know where he is & that we will see him again one day.
Thank you for writing this. Thank you for speaking out for those who cannot speak for themselves. What Pat Robertson has stated is unspeakable…selfish…and certainly, not like Christ. What kind of selfish, awful world would we live in if we all took this mentality. These people are precious and have purpose. God bless you for having the conviction and courage to speak out on behalf of your dad.
I didn’t hear Pat Robertson’s comment so I can’t speak to that. I will say that our dad, who just passed on at 98, asked Jesus into his heart in his 90’s after battling dementia for some time. Though his mind continued to deteriorate his spirit remained strong and clear and he went peacefully into the arms of an all knowing Father who ran to greet him and knew him by name!
When I was in college, I interned on the Pat Robertson presidential campaign. By the time it was over I was convinced (for many reasons I won’t go into here) that no man with a ministerial calling of any kind has any business running for political office. Just as a false prophet in the Bible, Pat spews nonsense. He eschewed his calling, and Jehovah has eschewed him.
Notebook much?
This is a beautiful letter. I could not agree with you more. Thank you for this.
A dear friend lost her lovely mom to alzheimers. She recognized no one. Not long before she passed away, my friend was feeling ill and while visitin her mom, sat on her bed and told her mom that she wasn’t feeling well. She added that she remembered how her mom prayed for her when she was little and didn’t feel well. She asked her mom if she would pray for her. As clear as a bell, her mom said, “Of course I’ll pray for you honey,” and then prayed a beautiful prayer for her daughter before slipping back into her alzheimer driven existance. My friend’s mom died a few days later. They are still there — just trapped.
A dear lady from my church died from the effects of Alzheimer. Up until the last few weeks, she was brought from the nursing home where her daughter and son stuck her to church. Until the last two visits, while this precious lady who use to work circles around everyone else in the church could no longer communicate or do what she once did, she still could sing the old hymns with the rest of us without a book. And if you told her “I love you” she always responded “And I love you!”
Donna, this made me cry as much as the original post by Ken and many of the others here. My beloved brother has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for almost a year now. It’s a terrible disease and affects the entire family. What a beautiful memory for your friend for her mom to pray for her that day!
Wonderful sentiments. Mr Robertson’s
comments, as well as well the controversial
position on healthcare recently expressed by
Pols (and a debate audience), make you
wonder what our society is coming to.
A nation of ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’ can not
be good for us, nor our children.
All the best!
We absolutely do not know what a person does or does not recognize. We have no idea at all really how the brain works. We only base on conclusions on what we can understand and our observations.
Pat is wrong and will have to speak before a holy God. This link is what God desires for us if our spouse ever gets this dreadful disease.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pX1phIqug&feature=player_embedded
I do not agree with Pat Robertson at all. Obviously has forgotten what the marriage vows say especially the part that says “In sickness and in health” I think he needs to be reminded of that piece of information.
Wonderful story, and I think that Pat Robertson is wrong. Very wrong! My great Uncle had Alzheimer’s and now my Uncle has it. My dad also has what they call a precursor to Alzheimer’s, I don’t remember what they actually called it. My great uncle’s wife took care of my great uncle until she died suddenly. I know that my Aunt will be there to take care of my uncle to the end, and I know that my mom will do the same for my dad. That is the way it should be. What are marriage vows for, except to be kept until death do us part…
I love your story it truly touched my heart you see my own father has been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He is in the early stages but his confusion is very hard on him and he sometimes will get very sad and start to cry. It’s difficult to know just how to respond but I know I could never simply walk away. My question to Mr. Robertson is this, Have you no shame sir? Thank you Ken to you and your wonderful family.
Understand what you are saying. We loved our dear dad also.We saw the pain mother went through. She would not give in to getting help. it took a tole on her health. But she would not have it any other way. She loved him so much she would have tried to move the earth for him. An affair or divorce would have been the last thing on her mind.
What is he thinking. We do not throw our loved ones away just because they are sick! Sending love Rachel
Doesnt it say in our wedding vows in sickness and health
These examples show true love! When you marry, it is for better or worse. Most everyone likes the “better,” but many run off when the “worse” comes. Thanks for sharing an inspiring story!
What a beautiful testimony to a faithful husband. My mama was in a nursing home for 90+ days until I chose to bring her home. While she was in there, I saw so many precious people who had no one come to see them. It broke my heart and I tried to at least smile and greet those who crossed my path.
Having an aunt who has been stricken with Alzheimer’s, it angers and saddens me to think Pat Robertson would make such a cold and in my opinion, stupid statement. Telling a spouse to divorce their spouse if they have this dreaded disease. The spouse is already going through a personal hell and in my aunt’s case, her husband has chosen to take care of her at home as long as he can. He is a cancer survivor as well as having had several heart procedures but, he takes the vows he made 60+ years ago seriously. He is a man of God and still leads a small church when he is able. That is what you do when you love your spouse and you honor God and His Word. May God be all families going through this. And may God wake up Pat Robertson to His Word!
I can’t imagine divorcing my husband! He fell almost 5 stories in 1993 onto the steel hold of a dredgeboat in Baltimore Harbor, sustaining many broken bones and other injuries. One of his back surgeries abcessed and we dressed that wound for 5 years before it healed. One thing lost in the fall was his ability to have sex, so he gradually stopped kissing and hugging me, I have never mentioned that to him,even though hugs and kisses mean so much to a woman. I cut his hair, trim his toenails, scrub the deep trench the back abcess left in his back from the abcess, and even empty the big jars he uses as urinals because he can’t get to the bathroom quickly enough! sometimes these things do bother me, because I know the future holds much more I will have to do and I don’t know if I can. Because I still do the regular woman things, such as cooking, cleaning,shopping,laundry and more. I do miss going places together, conversations about something other than T.V., etc. We will be married 40 years on Oct. 16th and the accident happened in 1993,so marriage as I knew it, (and it was wonderful!) ended almost 17 years ago but that doesn’t mean I want a divorce. I would like to sell this huge 15 room house and get into something I could manage, but it needs repairs that we can’t do and even though it is on the water, near the beach the market is down so that we wouldn’t get nearly what we would need to get established elsewhere! I would gladly get rid of the house, but NOT my husband! And I sure hope he feels the same about me! I think Pat had better get a new interpretation about what it means when it says ’til Death do us part’!
Thank you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pX1phIqug
This man had an understanding of WWJD with a spouse who had Alzheimer’s.
What a wonderful story..my father to had this terrible disease…he was the wonderful father of five children..he lived through losing one of his children while he had just started showing signs. We decided as a family that all dad wanted was to be in his home so thats what we did. we hired care givers to give mom a break and each child had a job to do every evening to help take care of dad..my brother Billy was the bath giver. dad would not let anyone else do that job….just his Billy…my job was to feed dad. His food had to be mashed up very well so he would not get chocked. He had problems swallowing. I cleaned and picked up the groceries. My brother Mark kept the family business running smoothly…We would meet and mom and dads to just be with dad as much as we could. dad would always tell us thank you even when he did not know who we where…he told me that I was a very nice lady and I told him thank you and I love you..He then told me that I was nice but he was married. I would just laugh.Dad went to be with the Lord over a year ago and how I miss him…my mom does not know what to do with her time and her health has not been the best but we will do the same thing when she needs us to….Thats what family does for each other.. That was the most rewarding thing that I have ever done in my life. My dad like yours knew he was loved very much…I cant imagine Pat Roberston saying such a thing but he does need to rethink his stand on things because it may be him that needs his wife and family to help him in the future…thank you Joan
I don’t know why you would listen to Pat Robertson in any case… I am so “over” TV Preachers!
I waa very inspired by these stores. My mother has alzheimer’s and parkinson’s. She was diagnosed summer 2006. She had shown signs before and it tookmuch discussion wirh daddy to take her tobe evaluated and decide the treatment plan. At this time she was considered stage 4. After many trips home to see about my parents and after two family members came tolive with mama and daddy, i eas able tomove home in 09. Since then we have had many hospital stays. And EVERY TIME, i am lectured over code status and actually lied to by the medical communuty. It is a travesty that the medical community wantd to throw her away because of her ad and pd. We have been told about comunity services that just aren’t there. We keep keep her stimutated with conversation, tv, and active engagement. And the medical community refuses to belive how she is at home because at the hospital she is usually too sick to interact with them. My mama may be bed ridden and not 100% but she is still my mama and i will continue to care for her, no matter what. So, i take offense to anyone including Pat Robertson who says it ok to give up. I won’t give up my mama til it’s time for her to go to heaven.
I too lost my mother to the horrible disease alzheimers, it does take a toll on family and friends who love someone who no longer knows them, my mom lived to be 91 and 1/2 yrs old and for the last 1 1/2 yrs. she didn’t know us, she might call us by name but we were never the right relation to her as she would tell people that I her daughter was her mother , or sister, etc. The day came that they called us in, she was dying and to our amazement we spent 2 hrs. with her knowing each family member and talking to us like she use to then she closed her eyes and we watched for the next 2 days as she lost the battle and God took her home. And even though it is hard to sit and watch them stare into space, never saying anything to you that makes sense,they are still the same person trapped inside. My mom was so different and it felt like I had given her up long before her death, but I spent time with and grew to love the woman she had become, knowing she was still there only different.
I am disappointed to hear someone would say that! Alzheimer’s patients need the most care, and love. Even if they are “not there”, they are still human beings. It is sad that most people don’t know how to reverse Alzheimer’s – extra virgin coconut oil. My grandmother was diagnosed with it, now she takes coconut oil everyday and her memory is back to normal. It is one of God’s gift to nature.
I had 3 Brothers and my mom had this awful disease. As the only girl, it was left to me to
care for my Mom. My late husband helped me. No one knows How much it hurts unless they have this experience for their self.My Mom told me please don’t put me in a nursing home. I didn’t and she died at my home. One of the last things my Mom said to me was “take Me home”. I remember, she loved the Cherry pies,at MacDonalds. I took her some home her last day on Earth. When I put her to bed that night she looked up to the sky and told me “My Sons Don’t love me. She was dead when I got up the next morning.I would do all over again if I could hear, my Mother pray aagain.
Sweet Beluah Lane awaits me and my Mom, does too.
Pat Dennis
My father, a Korean War veteran, was diagnosed with Parkinsins’ at the young age of 42. Over twenty years, the disease took away his ability to use his arms and legs, to speak and eventually to breathe. My mother kept him at home until he became irrational and started hitting at her, thinking he was in combat. She continued to faithfully visit him and take care of him while he was in the nursing home during those twenty years. I believe that GOD will certainly reward her for her faithful and loving kindness towards my daddy. She certainly would have told Pat Robertson off in a very nice but firm way and used scripture to show him his flawed thinking. Its too bad that he never met my momma.
Many years ago I myself was in a nursing home for an illness that required extended care. I saw a completely different side of this ‘alzheimers’ then most people get to. Alot of the residents that I was told had ‘alzheimers’ and ‘don’t be upset if they don’t answer you back’, were very coherent indeed, they just needed someone to talk to. They would tell me long stories about their lives and the people in them. Most of the people in these nursing homes have noone to talk to; noone comes to see them; so of course they resort to talking to themselves. That doesn’t mean they have lost their mind, it just means they are very lonely. If you put a young person in solitary confinement for years, he would start talking to himself too. These people need love and human interaction.
Nancy,
I was so touched by your comment. We all need to know we are loved. Even in our darkest moments. Thank you for your comment.
Ken
For better or wose – in sickness & health – we don’t get to pick our health path – you see what people are made of & how their faith shines through in the rough times! I pray that my loved ones never forsake me in my time of need – it’s all apart of our journey – not something we would choose but something He can use!
Brought me to tears. Thanks! We just buried Mom and I was priviledged to be with her for 2 1/2 uninterrupted weeks right before her death. I wouldn’t trade those middle of the night talks for anything!
Sorry for your loss, but happy that you got the chance to be with your momma during those quiet times. <3 I know you will treasure those times always.
Outstandingly informative thank you, It is my opinion your current readers would certainly want a lot more blog posts similar to this keep up the good work.
That was fantastic!
This is such a difficult issue. My mother was diagnosed with AD when she was 64 and went downhill very quickly. For the last 6 years of her life, she did not know anyone, and would/could not talk or relate in any way with others. The last year, she could not sit up or walk or eat solid food.
My father began dating a woman (his old college sweetheart) about 2 years before mom died. Dad is not hard-hearted, he is a christian. Mom’s disease left him physically exhausted and severely depressed. He never stopped visiting Mom or caring for her. I don’t believe he would have lived much longer if he hadn’t reconnected with this woman.
It was a difficult time – I told my dad I would always be there for him and mom, but I wouldn’t discuss/meet the “other woman” while my mother was still living.
He is now happily remarried and doing well, although he still misses Mom, as I do. I just wanted to post to say this isn’t a black and white issue.
Thank you for this wonderful essay. I hope you sent a copy to Pat Robertson.
This was a very good story. I have to share mine. You are exactly right Alzheimer is an awful disease. My mom had it and died with it. I had to put my mom in a nursing facility, which broke mine and her heart. To make a long story short, I went to see my mom everyday for months. I treated my mom with the utmost respect, even though she did not know it was me that was there with her. A nurse/aid came to me and ask me, “Why do I come here everyday? You look so tired, That they would take good care of my mom. She said that your mom does not know who you are. I told that nurse “I know who she is.” My mom was a single parent and she taught me everything I know. I miss her dearly.
My Mother spent the last 11 years of her life reaching the pinnicle of Alheimer’s and the 3 to 4 times a week I paid her a visit on my way home from my job was always a gut-wrenching mixture of emotions; in what state would she be in and could I get her to talk to me about anything at all.
All I know is when I entered the facility I was welcomed by others whom hadn’t any visitors for a long time and others who knew my Mom and ran to tell her I was here. When she and I met up, I always received a smile….thant may have been the extent of the visit but it was worth it. Just maybe she remembered who I was, even for a nano-second. One day, just a couple of months before her death, she embraced me and called me a nickname she used when I was a small child. I cried and cried some more and will remember that for as long as I live. I could have never left her there unattended with the love she taught me was so important to express. I believe her soul was a victim of Alzheimer’s too- wrapped up in the confines of a body that had malfunctioned. When she passed it was a celebration of her Soul to carry on and meet her maker with delight and a gladness she ‘remembered’ the living’s attempts to reach her and express a love that remained forever lasting. Amen.
Pat Robertson may be suffering from fortetful- ness because it appears he forgot the Biblical admonition that we marry until “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. Wait. He must be thinking that such a mental state is the equivalent to death. Baa.