Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Wise Advice About When to Speak and When to Zip It.

shutterstock_161024912Have you ever left a party or meeting mumbling to yourself, “I wish I hadn’t said that?”

Do you know how many more times we leave without knowing how much we said, or how it affected the people around us? I think I am learning.

While bicycling with my wife, Diane, I began to cough uncontrollably. I fell by the side of the road and lay in the grass trying to catch my breath.

A Sensitive Man

The room was full of pregnant women and their husbands. The class instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. And walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens your muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to do your walking on a soft grass surface or a path.”

Then the instructor spoke to the men. “Gentlemen, remember—you and your wife are in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to walk with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

Love Has 20/20 Vision

Remember the old saying “If you love something, set it free. If it’s really yours it will return to you”? Blah, blah, blah. I think I found a more accurate rendition of that strange proverb. The author is unknown but it goes like this:

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

Yellow Lights and Blessings

A motorcycle policeman pulled over a car that had just rushed through a yellow light. The driver explained that when the light turned yellow he thought it would be better to speed through than to stop suddenly and risk getting hit from behind. He reminded the of officer that it was not illegal to go through a yellow light.

God Sees Everything

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck yellow and the umbrella green.

But little Johnny, who always did things his way, colored the duck a bright fire-engine red.

After seeing this, the teacher said, “Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?”

Without looking up, Johnny replied, “The same number of times I’ve seen a yellow duck holding an umbrella.”