One is a lonely number!

Today I realized I am headed for failure.

Over the past few years I have lost 47 lbs, I am in better shape than most men my age, and I feel better than I have in years.  The process has been at times painful, discouraging and at times exhilarating. Unlike most other parts of  my life,  Last year I had six guys who shared the journey toward health with me.  This year I am doing it alone.  I can’t do this alone. If I expect to maintain this lifestyle and continue to enjoy it’s benefits I must find friends and like-minded people who will join me in the quest, people who will help hold my feet to the fire, friends who will spur me on when I feel discouraged and celebrate my achievements with me.

Even if I could succeed by myself, I have no desire to stand on the pinnacle of a mountain alone. I don’t think I can reach the pinnacle alone.

One is a lonely number.

I am not going to do this alone anymore. Jesus had twelve guys on his team.  I’m not Jesus.  I’ll settle for two!  My search starts today.  I will let you know how it plays out.

This principle is true whether one is fighting addiction, seeking excellence in business, or striving to live “fully alive.”

What is your quest?
What number are you?
Have you benefited from having someone share your journey?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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77 thoughts on “One is a lonely number!

  1. I don’t have a lot of weight to lose…maybe 15-20 would be nice, but you know what kind of looks other guys give you when you ask if they want to take on a health challenge? I am spiritually convicted to be healthy in all areas. I have always had issues with obese ministers who try to tell us how to live….
    Since losing my job, you would think we poor people would be skinny. Guys seem more open to discuss other personal addictions and seek accountability for that, but “don’t mess with my food”!

    • I love your phrase “Don’t mess with my food” You can help me with my sex addictions, my alcoholism, my felony convictions, but don’t touch my big mac. Thank you for making me laugh today.

    • Most of the guys I have talked to are looking for other guys to work on a health challenge.

      You made me laugh outloud with your comment “Don’t mess with my food.” Thanks for participating.

  2. Dear Ken, this post seems so sad to me, and so unlike you, what has happened with you? I just signed up for this newsletter today, but I’ve been friends with you on facebook, but please fill me in. You mean so much to my family and I. My son John, 7, is autistic, has a severe receptive and expressive language disorder, adhd, ocd, and we just found out he’s bi polar. He’s on meds, and is in the mind frame of a 2 1/2 year old, but he LOVES you. HE has most of your videos, and even though he can’t hold a full conversation, he can narrate your moves on the Gaither videos, and everything you say. God uses you more than you may realize. Healthwise, I’m praying for you. I love you, my whole family does. Be Blessed, Patricia

    • this post is by someone who is replying on Ken Davis’ blog. it is not Ken Davis. the BLOG is his post! this guy happens to have the same name. Read the DCW FB page as they just finished a class and 2 more coming plus Ken Davis has just published another book!

    • Patricia, I am FINE! Read the post again. It is an encouragement not to try to tackle goals alone. Have someone who will walk with you. I really. I know God loves me and in most of my life I have a ton of friends who walk with me. BUT unless I have friends who will help me with keep healthy, I will fail. Thank you so much for our concern. I am fine. Read it again you will see what I am saying.

    • Patricia, I may have posted my response to your comment below. It starts with your name. The first comment on this page is from another Ken responding to my post. Read my comment below. I am honored by your concern.

  3. Hi Ken,
    Lost my entire support system a couple of years back. I am not one to spend time crying in my beer.. (which isnt such a difficult thing when you dont drink beer… my cereal was a little soggy… ) ahaha 🙂 but seriously I have been trying to go it alone in this journey to get healthy for a while. I can feel the top of the mountain; I can feel the breeze on my face pushing myself to extremes on a bike but I dont seem to be getting it done…alone. My motivation slips my grasp by days end as my partners (myself and I) convince me tomorrow is a great day to start. I need to start today.
    Ken, I have watched you get so healthy and I have enjoyed it and the energy that is apparent just exudes from you. I see you on that bike and I want to be there taking a 26 mile bike ride with you all. I want to climb a mountain and let the quiet consume me in its awesomeness.
    I will be starting a new career at the end of the summer. If I want to make it…I got no choice but to drop “myself and I” and humbly seek different partners to keep “me” motivated…somehow. That is a hard thing for me… saying that it seems I am not very good at going it alone.
    I have an extreme track record of extreme results once I find the motivation. It disappoints me to even say I cant find the motivation. When there is SO much I want out of life right now and there is a world waiting for me to take it by storm again.
    It will take me a bit to get as healthy as you are now, but if you would like… I will climb that mountain with you. My word!

    • Jeanie, Lets go. One step at a time. Keep me informed I will cheer you on and let you know what is happening with me. You go girl

      • sounds like a plan. i will be looking for your updates to see what cool things you have accomplished next!

      • Dear Ken:

        I will go on this health journey with you. In the last 8 months I have lost a total of 100lbs and need to loose about 50 or so more. But I don’t have a support team right now. I am working on keeping myself motivated. The other day I took my 3 boys to the mall and walked. A first in a very long time. I feel so good about my accomplishments but don’t want to fail. I know fear is not from God, but I also know that it would be to easy to get back into the just a little won’t hurt and then bam…right back in the same boat. So, I will go on this journey with you. I need your humor and also a health partner. Laughter is supposed to make life sweeter…so…Blessings my friend, lets get moving.

    • Jeanie, sorry to piggy back here Ken but I am looking for an accountability partner to work on “The Lords Table” I have asked friends and not getting any serious bites. How about you Jeanie, let me know.
      ARG….

  4. I, too, am on that weight-lost journey with 35 pounds gone so far (about about that much left to go). I know all about nutrition and what I need to do to lose, know the process of several well-known diet programs, but end up gaining when I try them on my own.

    I won’t mention the organization, but I found that going to their meetings weekly with the accountability of weighing in in front of someone, knowing my friend from church is expecting me to be there(!), and the support of the meeting attendees is what I need to make this work for me. I can’t go it alone either…I need help and support.

  5. My quest right now is to find a mentor that is in his 50 or 60s who will pour into me spiritually.

    That is what I need to do to move to being healthy

  6. if I didn’t have a support system for health and life I likely would turn into a sad couch potato. I need people who care, who check up on me and who hold me accountable and can lovingly guide me onto my chosen path. I also need to be able to do that for them. Good support is a 2 way commitment. Cheering you on as you seek the best folks to partner with!

  7. So true. I found what you said at re:create to be challenging and compelling. You said, if I remember correctly, “I had a million fans and no friends.”

    That rang true for me and the direction of my life – I don’t want notoriety at the cost of friendship. We were made for community, not fame.

    Thanks for who you are, Ken. I am honored to join you in this quest. I, too, am trying to get healthier and come more fully alive, but I can’t do it alone.

    My wife calls herself my “biggest fan” and she lives up to the title. I couldn’t do it without her.

  8. Ken,

    That was great food for thought. I have been going thru a terrible divorce and realize I could have never made it through without a good support system. I also need to lose come weight and had been trying to do it on my own, only to keep getting really discouraged.
    Shazam! You helped me realize I can’t do it alone, so I am going to find someone to help me do it, like an accoubtablity group or something like that. Thank you!

    • Karen, Sorry about what you are going through but so glad you don’t have to do it alone. Often we feel that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Not so! It is a sign of intelligence. Keep your eyes open. God will show you some people who will walk with you.

  9. Ken, this is really good. I’ve been blessed to watch this journey for you from the beginning and have been encouraged by it. I ruptured my ACL playing softball 7 years ago and allowed far more weight to creep up over the years than I am comfortable with. Because of that injury as well as an older injury to my ankle on the other leg, things like running are no longer allowed per doctor’s orders.

    We fixed my acl, but my ankle is beyond repair. At best they can immobilize the joint surgically and I do not want that. I’m waiting for science to catch up with my needs. I found that very discouraging and until you started writing about your cycling I didn’t know what to do. I went out and purchased a bike and love it.

    As for accountability, you are dead on. I am presently going through a Bible Study called “The Lords Table” and have a mentor and accountability partner. Those things help tremendously.

    I know God will open that door for you and bring the right partners who will walk/run/bike along side with you. Good luck.

    • Deanna, Injuries are so discouraging. I am glad you found out about bicycling. It is one of the most enjoyable exercises I do. I am already finding people to join me in the quest for continued good health.

      • Good! Glad to hear it. They have a cycling club here and I have people who like to ride. I had to let go of the competitive “must keep up” nature of mine and just enjoy my progress and victories.

        Blessings.

    • 7 yrs ago I was in a bad accident and demolished the bones in my ankle. I suffered extreme bone on bone pain but like you I was not willing to fuse it. After intense research I had a total titanium ankle replacement 4 years ago (invented by Dr Frank Alvine who has done over 1200 ankle replacements). I have been totally pain free since the surgery and its been like having a btand new ankle. His clinic is in Souix Falls, S Dakota and they were wonderful to work with!

    • Dianna, 7 yrs ago I was in a bad accident and demolished the bones in my right ankle. I suffered extreme bone on bone pain but like you I was not willing to fuse it. After intense research I had a total titanium ankle replacement 4 years ago (invented by Dr Frank Alvine who has done over 1200 ankle replacements). I have been totally pain free since the surgery and its been like having a brand new ankle. His clinic is in Souix Falls, S Dakota and they were wonderful to work with!

  10. Strange how this was the first thing I saw this morning.I don’t know when I have felt more alone. Actually I do, and the scared thing is not wanting to go back to that time.I, probably, could stand to lose over 100 pounds, but the loneliness I feel doesn’t just concern that one area of my life. It consumes me, especially the last few days. It is truly hard to conquer life alone, but it seems that is the only choice. I woke up this morning intending to delete everything I have to reaches out to the outside world. Twitter, facebook, youtube, etc. etc. Reaching out and pretending on the outside that things are great through these outlets doesn’t change the truth, and when that truth hits a person, then the pretense becomes tiring. At this moment I am sitting in a hotel room alone, 3 hours from home, and wondering exactly why I am alone. I went to a gospel concert last night, and will again today, but yet in a room of 3,000 plus people, I was more alone then ever. Thanks for your blog. It is indeed hard to make changes in our lives by ourselves. I wish I was that strong, but I’m not, but by needing others I feel selfish, which in turn brings on more guilt and hatred on myself.

    • Beth, What ever you do, don’t hit delete. None of us are strong all the time. We all need others. As I said to Deanna, seeking the help of others is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of intelligence. Ya just can’t hate yourself for being smart…

      • The world disagrees. They see “reaching out” as being needy, and we all know that people don’t want to be around those that are needy. And even if you find someone to help you, sooner or later they will walk away too.For many, you are right, that is the answer. For others, like me, who have been there, the hopelessness makes “hitting delete” a way to ease the pain. You can never truly stop it, but getting rid of the constant reminders in your life seems an option. You see, it’s easier to be alone in a room by yourself, then it is to be in a room of 5, 10, 50, 100 or 2000 and know that there isn’t one person there that believes you are worthy enough to be noticed or cared about.

        • I believe you’re worth being noticed. — so does Christ. Now, will you? That’s where the rubber really meets the road. We have to believe that about ourselves…

          ps… you are in the wrong rooms. There are rooms that don’t think like the world — praying you find them.

          • 1 more thing — one of my favorite “rooms” is Celebrate Recovery. Wonderful group of people there.

      • You can do one! I just finished the half marathon a week ago and I can’t tell you the sense of accomplishment I felt after running across that finish line. Ok, I was limping but at least I finished! Couldn’t walk for 3 days but by gosh I got my $5 medal! LOL

  11. Ken – I love this blog post! It is imperative that we live in community to survive! As as former cave dweller, I know this to be particularly true over the last few years as I’ve began to engage with others!

    Love your posts! Keep them coming!

    Blessings (say hi to Diane for me)

    Lesa

    • Lesa, you are absolutely right about community. AND I will pass your greetings on to Diane.
      Thanks for commenting. Come back often.

    • As a former cave dweller who waved to thousands from the mouth of the cave, I applaud your decision to step into relationship.

  12. Ken,

    My wife and I have been doing the “Mayo Clinic Diet” for about 7 weeks now. Each of us has lost about 20 lb. I can definitely say that neither of us would have made it this far without the encouragement of each other! I hope and pray that God puts like-minded fellas in your life to walk through this with you.

    It has helped me to post my progress online (skype and facebook). I’ve had friends and coworkers get involved – they look forward to the updates, and some of them have started a similar program.

    Love your work, God bless you!

  13. Ken,

    How refreshing and appropriate for today. Just thinking two days ago how I am encouraged by your vulnerability on your radio spots. And in this today. Thank you. “Feel” that if I were to say the same thing, my closest friends (family) would say, “Quit whining!” But today am encouraged to press on….it’s okay to need someone with “skin on” to walk alongside! Still encouraged by the brief time I had with you at the Summit a few years ago in Franklin. keep on keeping on….we need you….you help us toward the goal. Blessings to you and yours…Marsha

    • Marsha, Your friends should know that Whining is complaining about something you can change. Acknowledging you need to change is and doing something about it is called COURAGE! Keep on!

  14. I know what you mean! I started a non-profit by rescueing 7 abused horses and use them in therapy for people who have experienced similar situations. Much of what I did was on my own at the beginning. Very hard and frustrating. I felt like Moses – called to do something that I didn’t feel qualified to do. I’m learning on the fly.

    All it took was one person to bolster me up and head me in the right direction. She gives me support and encouragement. God has too, of course,and that’s what got me through until a human came along. Could use a few more of those humans. We are into fund raising now and that is uncharted territory for me.

    Thanks for helping me to lighen up!

    • LIsa, Even Christ sent the disciples out in pairs. We need each other. It is build into the DNA. BTW I have a sister who is an expert trainer of horses. Never uses force. Thanks for the comment.

  15. Ken,

    I’ve been looking for a workout buddy, too, but have been unable to find one. I need an accountability partner and someone who will help keep me motivated and do physical fitness with me. So far… no luck, but I’ll keep looking. Guess I need to start praying that God helps me to find someone. Maybe you should try that too. :o)

    • Robin, I will join you in that prayer. I find men here and their but an still trusting God for a consistent buddy for the journey.

  16. I joined Weight Watchers last March kicking and screaming with tears in my eyes saying this will not work, diets never do with me. My dear daughter Christy has been going to WW for 19 months and has lost 152 lbs and she is my cheerleader. I have now lost 42 lbs . I need to get the exercise portion going now and for that I need prayers and a big push.

  17. Hi Ken

    When are you starting this quest? I want to join you; I need to lose about 30-40 pounds. The weight makes me look older than I really am plus it’s not healthy at all. God bless!!

    • I have been on this quest for some time. My desire is to maintain my health and my weight. Find some fun exercise and do it every day for at least 45 minutes. Get that heart a pumpin. Eat healthy food in smaller portions. Amazing what happens to body and spirit.

  18. Hi Ken,

    I’ve loved your vides! Be encouraged, you can do this. Remember how much better you feel now than you did then. I have struggled all my life with weight, and at 51, have just lost 60 pounds, 60 more to go. But with the 1st part off, I feel so much better!

    God is good, all the time, and if/when we slip up, he loves us!

    Leah

  19. I was happy for you when you lost the excess weight, still am of course. For me I’m keeping a steady 18kgs, (40lbs), over what I want to be, not that that’s my plan. My fat has, it seems, a much more vice like grip on me than my will power. Of course having the will power of a kid in a lolly shop doesn’t help. But at the end of the day the buck stops with me. I should be a bloke on a mission not the bloke scoffing into a bag of chips.
    I guess I need to be more than just one.
    God bless you.

    • You are right Stephen, Find someone who will encourage you and let them push you toward excellence. Don’t be discouraged by occasional failure. Oh yeah, and remove all chips from the house. Chips are one of my biggest temptations.

  20. I’ve been working with a personal coach to find my God-designed purpose in life. One theme that has been coming up with a disturbing frequency is my tendency toward isolation. Today I’ve started telling myself that “I am not an island!” One IS a very lonely number. Not only do you suffer from the lack of support, but you deny others the blessings of your experiences and victories. Thank you for always sharing with us your experiences and victories… we are truly blessed!! 😀 Praying that you find the team you need!

  21. I am going to finish my book! (And hopefully all of them.)
    I joined a writers’ group on fb (which I was involved in the creation of) and it’s helped all of us get going on our respective projects. Now if we could just stay focused on what we’re working on and quit giving each other new ideas we’d be doing good hehe. Oh well, it’s a work in progress.

  22. My quest is to lose weight, not so much a set number of pounds but to be 2 sizes smaller. I lost 55 pounds (goal was 90) 3 years ago, and have yo-yo’d with 20 pounds ever since. As long as I was doing it with my daughter before (and mostly to be a good example and benefit her) I had all the strength I needed. When she refused to continue, I lost all my determination. I will definitely need someone this time around to keep me on track.

    • Karen, I applaud your determination. I promise that if you set as your goal to get healthier, the lost pounds and lower sizes will be a by product. Keep watching. We are going to have lots of help for our friends who don’t want to go alone. Until then know that I care and look forward to hearing about your progress.

  23. Hi Ken, I understand what your feeling. Feeling like you can’t do this alone. I used to feel that way a lot, and I still do up to this day. With what’s happened to me in my life, I should have been home with Jesus many years ago. I’ve had kidney disease since I was fifteen, and I am on dialysis to this day, even after two transplants In 1989, I was in an auto crash that changed my life even more. More pain, more inconvience in my life. Eventhough all this has happened, and I feel despair because of it, I know that I am not alone, and I know I will never be alone. The Lord works with me one-on-one in my life, He uses(My wife Kay, my mother, close friends). He sees me though, evenwith as much as I might fight. He’ll work with you too. God bless. Douglas Perry

    • Douglas, I know the Lord will be with me. I hope you saw my post as an encouragement. I am gathering a team of people to hold me accountable and to walk the journey with me. One IS a lonely number. I am grateful that I am not doing it alone.

  24. Ken,

    I just discovered your site and saw your post. I can totally relate, it is always easier to have a wing man to help you stay accountable. I would be willing to stand with you and help provide encouragement. I started living a healthier lifestyle in February of 2010 and have shed 80lbs so far.

  25. Hi Ken. I just listened to you talk with Dr. Dobson on my iPod. You told of the story of the camping trip, where your precious grandchild was lost. As a grandmother, I know how horrifying an experience that was for you, and how you want to fall on your knees after it’s over and never stop thanking the Lord.

    I hope I’m not too late to comment on this particular post about losing weight.

    My daughter and I have started the Weight Watcher Online program. We’ve been on it one week. I’ve got a ton more to lose than she does, but just having her be my buddy makes all the difference in the world. We talk to each other daily (via email) and understand the diet lingo. Its amazingly motivational to have somebody walking beside you.

    When I found out about the weight you’ve lost, it was so inspiring to me. Hurray for you! Losing weight and keeping it off is one of the hardest things in life to do. Years ago I reached my goal weight. I wasn’t there very long before I regained it. And over the years that excess weight has doubled. Very discouraging. I’ve now got high blood pressure, high cholesterol, prediabetes, I’m tired all the time, and I’m ashamed of the way I look. I’ve just got to get myself in better health. I’m care-giver for my parents these days, so I need all the energy and health I can get for someone approaching 60.

    I hope you make updates on how you are doing with your diet and health. I’d enjoy knowing how you lost your weight, but I’m really interested in knowing how you keep it off.

    Blessings to you, Mr. Ken!

    Carol

  26. Hello Mr. Davis,
    I have never heard of you before today August 29, 2011, and may never have. I listen to christian radio, for over 20 years, i like the Jesus freak loud stuff 88.1, and seeing how it’s a Monday my boy friend usually takes the truck to work and I sleep in, it was already unusual So this morning 1) I needed the truck, for therapy (since it’s free)I’ve needed it for many years according to my family, but now it meets my criteria and 2)my hard Christian station has choir hymns from various groups, and since I sing at my Church and know them I found myself at 530 am I switching to reg SOS here in Elko, NV 91.1, so here I am driving through construction zones which 3)takes longer to get home now from 3miles 45 min and i hear a joke not unusual, but the tighty whitey station is a tad conservative, I hear feeling, feeling, women want men to feel more. I was driving by a restaurant that I can’t go to anymore… and the announcer came back on to say your name Ken Davis. and even that would have been it as well but my life is immensely new now that after 5yrs of my laptop collecting dust and all I could do is solitare I trust in my boyfriends skills enough to have fully restored my laptop, so there I went online to see if there was anything about you there, so there you were and I really enjoyed all your stuff, I am thankful to hear all you continue to do thank you.
    From Elaine

  27. Hello Mr. Davis,
    I have never heard of you before today August 29, 2011, and may never have. I listen to christian radio, for over 20 years, i like the Jesus freak loud stuff 88.1, and seeing how it’s a Monday my boy friend usually takes the truck to work and I sleep in, it was already unusual So this morning 1) I needed the truck, for therapy (since it’s free)I’ve needed it for many years according to my family, but now it meets my criteria and 2)my hard Christian station has choir hymns from various groups, and since I sing at my Church and know them I found myself at 530 am I switching to reg SOS here in Elko, NV 91.1, so here I am driving through construction zones which 3)takes longer to get home now from 3miles 45 min and i hear a joke not unusual, but the tighty whitey station is a tad conservative, I hear feeling, feeling, women want men to feel more. I was driving by a restaurant that I can’t go to anymore… and the announcer came back on to say your name Ken Davis. and even that would have been it as well but my life is immensely new now that after 5yrs of my laptop collecting dust and all I could do is solitare I trust in my boyfriends skills enough to have fully restored my laptop, so there I went online to see if there was anything about you there, so there you were and I really enjoyed all your stuff, I am thankful to hear all you continue to do thank you.
    From Elaine
    I am losing weight finally wanting the change that it will mean, I have been over weight since my first child’s pregnancy, 26 years now and 4 other kids, going through AA no longer addicted but now after 4yrs of recovery I still struggle to stay away from junk food esp. soda, candy, and burgers. Walking 3 miles once a week and doing Aquarobics helps, yet I want to do more. Seems that I am ready to eat right as well but do not find cookbooks or other articles will I stick with. Humor helps and sharing my story may as well I am ready that I feel better about myself and have a healthy self reflection, and self confidance in who God made me.

  28. Dear Ken, I must remind you that never, never are you alone. You have all your fans behind you, your family and your friends. Most importantly you have God with you every step of the way. I know this so well. My husband died 19 years ago; although, even before that I often felt alone because He was bipolar. My children were my best friends; but, I not wanting them to know all the struggles financial and emotional that I faced when 4 years later I was diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer, followed by an unrelenting ulcerative colitis, the effects of high dose steroids, ultimately having my entire colon removed, and then the mass on the pancreas (chronic autoimmune pancreatitis). Frequently, I would ask “God, does this mean I am going home? It has been a long journey, I am tired. Please, God protect my children.” There seemed moments of profound loneliness. Then in the midst, the center of it all; I began to realize that God was there. I could feel Him so near in the dark of the night. Then I understood, God’s answer, as He gently whispered “No, child, I have something you need to learn first. I am Your Joy. Everything else is counterfeit Joy and I am all you need.” When I learned that, I began to realize that as His love filled me and overflowed through me to everyone I met; I was certainly not alone. When I walk onto a hospital floor (as I am a Nurse Pracitioner) I am amazed that all the nurses say “We are so glad when you walk on the floor because you bring with you hope, joy, and strength- the whole unit transforms with your presence” I may still have long periods of alone time; but I am never lonely.

  29. I’m a bit behind in my blog reading…but this blog struck a chord with me. One is a lonely number…for working out, for dining alone, for trying to figure things out… but there’s alone and there’s lonely…. Lonely longs for companionship but alone…sometimes happens due to circumstance… job loss, divorce, death….

    We are like pack animals…we like to be together…to socialize…to chat…to inspire and encourage…it’s unusual for a lone wolf….to be invited in the pack… so look for those lone wolves when you are building your new 12…. or even 2…. you will not only help yourself…you can change someone from being lonely and alone to being one of the pack again

  30. My quest is to become sharper mentally in terms of thinking, talking, and writing. Additionally, I want to regain physical stamina through a regular exercise program. Presently there is only one – me. I hope the group will grow. Three years ago today my only son died unexpectedly from a drug overdose; the journey to live again has been hard and worth it. I have two wonderful daughters, two amazing sons-in-law, and four wonderful grandchildren. By the grace of God I am making it back to life one day at a time. My quiet time with God, Bible reading, and prayer have be key. Also the opportunity to pray with friends has been inspiring!